reflection

The Battle Within

What happens when you lock a man in a cage with rage
flowing through his blood stream?
Doves cry, but have you ever heard a thug scream?
Silohuettes of a shadowless soul.
Hearts no longer beat, they’ve become calloused and cold.
Grab a hold of some narcotics and some counterfeit love.
Don’t judge…
Them lonely nights, you don’t know what it does.
But, above all else you try lovin’ yourself.
While nobody gives a damn about you; yelling for help.
Death is no longer an illusion, the intrusion is real.
This pain will soon or later heal.
That’s a delusion you feel, you turn your spirit into steel.
While emotions deflate, God won’t let you through those gates
with all that anger and hate.
So, quickly meditate and find that balance within.
That humble pie gets mixed in with some malice and sin.
But, then again, whats the use of even fighting the abuse?
That is when your grip gets loose and you call it a truce.
Doing everything you can not to hang yourself in a noose…

~ Jah Soul

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Once Upon A Time

The other day I was reading the paper and was amazed, really outraged by some of the things I read. These youngsters are crazy, I swear! They are out killing and robbing like it is natural. They do some of the stupidest things I have ever heard of. Then I thought, “Man! I was once like these lost individuals!”.

People had to read about things I had done and probably said the same thing about me and my crew. Then it crossed my mind that I am older and more mature now, so I can now see and understand the mistakes I’ve made and grateful to still be living so I can try to make amends for my past transgressions.

Now I must sit back and stop being so critical of others I see that are in the same situations I was once in. In due time, they will see the madness in their ways, and maybe make a change.

If not, they’re in for a rude awakening because doing time will clear your mind; one way or another. Doing time will either change your thoughts and perceptions or will scramble them.  Always remember though, be careful of the decisions you make because if you don’t change your ways, your thoughts will be changed by doing time or doing death. If you do death, your mind will not be able to change because your mind will stop…period!!!

– Thomas D. Payne

Cast Offs

As I sit back, I laugh at most of these inmates in this place. Most of them have characteristics of
the Wizard of Oz.
Some think they got all the game in the world but make the same mistakes over and over. Two, three, sometimes seven time losers; straight clucks. We call them Scarecrows.
Then, you got those that are walking around bumping their gums. Chest out, selling wolf tickets. You call them out and they need people they know to intercede and come with them. Whether it’s a partner from the hood, associate, gang affiliates; we call them Cowardly Lions.
Now the Tin Men are few and really are heartless. They do what they want, when they want and are truly dangerous. They keep agitating situations and care for no one whether it’s an inmate or a Law (guard).
We have many Toto’s, followers who can’t think for themselves. These are the ones who roll with the punches, are yes-men and follow the crowd.
Then there are ones who come down here, being all that they can be, never was anything out in the world. Got a story for every part of the game. They lie about everything that has ever happened and when you pull back the curtains; you realize they are just Wizards.
Never forget those that are just plain spiteful. They hate every one and hate themselves; they bring nothing positive to the table. These ones are just miserable and need to be put down. These ones are the Wicked Witches.
Me? I hate to make a comparison to any particular character myself, but I think I come closest to Dorothy. I am lost, out of place and just need to get home. There’s no place like it, there’s no place like home!
– Thomas D. Payne

Real Talk (Thoughts from Payne)

In the streets, a lot of things get instilled in you; greed, self-preservation, lust, hatred, pain, selfishness…It’s a driving force. It’s hard to change these things, but I have, because I wanted to. Not because anyone else convinced me. My grandparents tried to instill God in my life, it was around me but not in me.
Despite what friends and loved ones want for me, or hope I will achieve, it’s my life and I decide what I will try to make of it. People can plan or hope all they want for those they care about, but in the end, it is each individual who must take responsibility for their own life and make the choice for themselves.
Now is the time when I, as a man, must swallow my pride and admit that I am need of help for the betterment of me alone and not to benefit someone else. My choice is to be a devoted husband, caring father and selfless lover. To be a better man in general, rising above my fears, inadequacies, and inconsistencies.
I have outgrown my worthless, childhood fantasies. Acknowledging my past mistakes, in an honest attempt to do something great. To create a better personality and identity. But, I do thank any and everyone who ever prayed or lent me a helping hand. I heard you, I just wasn’t ready then, but I am now…
– Thomas D. Payne

Full Circle

You say you want to know all of me. Well then, just read my poetry.

I am a walking dialogue, swimming through the fog in my mind,

causing my third eye to go blind.

My testimony’s not phony.

These wounds are not superficial, I’ve been scarred down to the gristle.

My story’s a little gory but it contains things that will stain your brain.

Pain can be the best teacher and cause a fool to become a truth seeker.

How can I help you understand you if I don’t first understand me?

How can I help you see, if I’m still fumbling around in the dark?

I must become that spark, that flash of light that will ignite,

the ether in your existence.

Unless, of course, you are flame resistant

or retardant.

So, you see, I had to start at

me.

Because, it is He that resides in Thee,

that allows me to write this poetry…

– Jah Soul