Someone once asked me if I am ashamed to be Black.
I was created in Gods image, so why would I be ashamed of that?
In actual facts, Black is neither my color or my race.
I am a human being, who happens to have a brown face.
The face of that gorgeous place, where life was once created.
Were we always this feared and hated or was that emotion incubated?
I am the color of that dirt that God used to fashion us,
but all there ever see is black and thus resort to harrassin’ us.
Black is truly a mentality, a reality of how I am viewed.
A culture containing people, whom are multi-colored, toned and hued.
History has made it my identity with a certain character attached.
Just because my melanin is greater than yours,
you feel I am the bad one out of the batch.
Saint and sinner. Good and evil; all resides in our perception.
A devil comes in many colors; birthing lies and sweet deception.
How did we conceive this trite conception?
That one’s skin can be a sin while the other one denotes themselves
as being guaranteed to win?
Aspiration; that’s what floods my concentration.
Elevation; trying to awaken the whole nation.
Infiltration; into the minds of every race and
variations of speech and deliberation.
But one nation is what I preach to the congregation
on every station; Latin, Asian and even Haitian.
Maturation; is what we need for propagation.
A saturation of love with no hesitation.
And this equation is what will end the condemnation
of God’s creation and bring us to that culmination.
Our graduation; into peace. Get in formation.
Our situation calls out for this salutation.
This information is given out with calculations.
That our nation will finally rise to the occasion
and a celebration will be in order for the duration
of procreation, giving birth to inspiration…
Still a Konscious King. No crown, throne or peasants.
But my wife is a Queen, so life still is pleasant.
And life’s still a present, a gift given from God.
That’s why I thank him everyday.
Whether it’s easy or hard…
yeah, life tried to discard me but I didn’t let it scar me.
Though I might be running late, I’ll still be at the party.
I should graduate this year cause’ last year was a test.
I laid my mama, grandfather and childhood friend to rest…
And as I make this address, I pray God’s blessing their souls.
Let their spirits give me strength, while I’m chasing my goals
and let my purpose unfold, can’t leave my story untold.
Enjoy this elevator music while my dreams are on hold.
Got my eyes on the gold, no silver medals will do.
See, I’m sticking to the plan. No duct tape or glue.
I’ll let you know when I’m through, then you can walk in my shoes.
You wanna know what I’ve been through, well that’ll give you a clue…
When I created Konscious Kings, they didn’t think that I was serious.
Said I was a god and they looked at me delirious.
Calm like a Buddhist with a Five Percenter’s dialect.
A mental architect, watch the castles I erect.
Fought against my sin, now I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.
The devil is 0 and 10 against me, he will never win.
Goin’ back in, got my second wind finally.
I stay against the grain, you can call me an anomaly.
The weirdos all acknowledge me, I’m swimming in their pool now.
Fertilized Mindz, homie… Watch the way we rule now.
The Kingdom’s steady growin’ bigger, tell me who’s the fool now.
Welcome to my school now, where we teach reality
and you can have some swag with an Ivy League mentality.
The foolish are eradicated, ignorance is dissipated.
Every mind is stimulated, then is slowly elevated…
Strangers become family and family becomes strangers.
You better read the warning signs to learn about the dangers,
of lettin’ hatas in your circle. They can leave your soul ill.
Peckin’ at your happiness, like buzzards on some road kill.
Give you a raw deal and leave you with your ass out.
Bunny ear your pockets, so you better never pass out.
So many enemies, got a lot of enemies
and it seems that most of them happen to be kin to me.
Damn man, silly me… I thought blood was the thickest,
but when it comes to playin’ games, blood is the slickest.
Magicians; oh how they trick us, fuck us over and dick us.
But we didn’t pick our families, the dirty bastards picked us.
I tell them all to kick dust, God is all that I trust.
If it’s me against the world, I promise I will adjust, giving no more fuss.
Whatever is dealt, I’m a take it…
Plus I’ve learned that family is what you make it.
Friend or foe, who will ever know how to pick em’
A stash of butcher knives, in your back is where they stick em’.
So give me two or three that’s down for me, and I can handle that.
I finally see the light; so here, you can have your candle back…
People say that we can never live forever, but forever I will hold you.
Deep within my soul, wish I was there to console you.
My heart sheds many tears and many wounds still remain,
but I understand that God had to steal you from your pain.
Will things ever be the same, without your laughter and your wit?
I bet you’re talking Prince’s ear off, probably giving him a fit.
You were a force to be reckoned with, that we can admit.
But your company was grand, for many hours we could sit.
Ups and downs we experienced and hard roads we traversed.
But I already miss you yelling, “Get my make-up bag out of my purse”.
Strong willed and strong minded, pure power in your essence.
Now I long for the chance to spend an hour in your presence.
But your life is not yet over; it’s time for you to get your wings,
then fly as high as they will take you and let the heavens sing.
Yes, I’m going to miss you mama, that’s a fact that can’t be missed.
But I know God called you home, because you’re the next angel on His list…
What happens when you lock a man in a cage with rage
flowing through his blood stream?
Doves cry, but have you ever heard a thug scream?
Silohuettes of a shadowless soul.
Hearts no longer beat, they’ve become calloused and cold.
Grab a hold of some narcotics and some counterfeit love.
Them lonely nights, you don’t know what it does.
But, above all else you try lovin’ yourself.
While nobody gives a damn about you; yelling for help.
Death is no longer an illusion, the intrusion is real.
This pain will soon or later heal.
That’s a delusion you feel, you turn your spirit into steel.
While emotions deflate, God won’t let you through those gates
with all that anger and hate.
So, quickly meditate and find that balance within.
That humble pie gets mixed in with some malice and sin.
But, then again, whats the use of even fighting the abuse?
That is when your grip gets loose and you call it a truce.
Doing everything you can not to hang yourself in a noose…
I can’t bear it anymore, I can’t… all the anger; all the crying.
All the despair, the hurt, the love… it all has me feeling like I am dyin’
I will not sit here and wonder if you ever loved me.
What I do know, is what I once felt for you, it was intense and deep.
Slowly I burn with frustration and hurt. Knowing I gave it my all
and it still didn’t work…
I needed, I wanted, I prayed and I hoped.
But you took my breath and inhaled it until it made me choke.
Your betrayal laid so heavily on my heart, tore my chest muscles apart.
So overwhelmed, I wanted to die; the scope too big for my life eye.
Thought we would grow old together, but you just faded me, oh how so clever.
Did I expect too much, not noticing our bond fade away?
Or was I in denial then, as I am today?
Answer me! Your silence pains me to my soul.
You think without you, I won’t be whole.
But I will, the decision has been made. My sun will always shine but will
never move in to your shade.
Since you won’t change for the better of us, leave you now I must.
I know that grin sadly, I must with a heavy heart insist.
We must part ways, we can no longer co-exist.
Please go your way and I will be sure to go mine but before you go, allow me to say this just one more time…
Never truly were you ever a Payne; D-Roc, one day, I hope you live up to the name.
Our accomplishments, dreams, goals; you will never destroy, and you ask why?
Thomas DeMont and DeLaune still adore me; me, myself and I…
Do you know why this monster lives inside of me?
Why the heathens and the thugs show love and confide in me?
Do you know about the demons that I have evicted from my soul?
Why my heart was frozen cold since I was 12 years old?
Do you know the lies that I faced, how my mom despised my own face,
do you think you can keep pace if my past was retraced?
Do you know why I’m shy, why I’m cool being a loner?
Why I climbed trees to find peace and became a pill-head and a stoner?
Do you see me in my entirety or only pieces of the puzzle?
Do you see why God is the fountain I continuously try to guzzle?
Do you know how I was created and why I really became a beast?
Why I screamed “Fuck the world!” and on friends and enemies I would feast?
Do you know about my struggle, what I fought to overcome?
How I stood and faced the devil and chose not to run?
Do you know the man you married, can you see my hurt and pain?
Or do you only see the sunshine and choose to ignore the rain?
Do you know about all what makes me who I am?
Do you realize the roads I traveled, learning to become a man.
Facing myself in the mirror, for once I am loving who I really am…
If I died tonight, I wonder if I will have fought hard enough
to implement the Truth; that God is part of us.
Can I truly say I gave it everything I had
and I stood on my square through the good and the bad.
If I died tonight, I wonder would you really miss me?
Walk by my wooden casket, drop a tear as you kiss me?
Did I touch your life or was I just a memory.
Spoke to you loud and clear but I wonder, are you really hearing me?
If I died tonight, would the lessons I was giving
continue on like I was still living?
Would you see the wisdom I was trying to interject?
We can change this world, through our love and intellect.
If I died tonight, would you carry on this torch
or would you leave it on the ground from the fear of being scorched?
If I left this earth, know that I tried to do my best
never had intentions of leaving this world a mess.
Just sitting here wondering if I ever will pass Gods test…