I can’t bear it anymore, I can’t… all the anger; all the crying.
All the despair, the hurt, the love… it all has me feeling like I am dyin’
I will not sit here and wonder if you ever loved me.
What I do know, is what I once felt for you, it was intense and deep.
Slowly I burn with frustration and hurt. Knowing I gave it my all
and it still didn’t work…
I needed, I wanted, I prayed and I hoped.
But you took my breath and inhaled it until it made me choke.
Your betrayal laid so heavily on my heart, tore my chest muscles apart.
So overwhelmed, I wanted to die; the scope too big for my life eye.
Thought we would grow old together, but you just faded me, oh how so clever.
Did I expect too much, not noticing our bond fade away?
Or was I in denial then, as I am today?
Answer me! Your silence pains me to my soul.
You think without you, I won’t be whole.
But I will, the decision has been made. My sun will always shine but will
never move in to your shade.
Since you won’t change for the better of us, leave you now I must.
I know that grin sadly, I must with a heavy heart insist.
We must part ways, we can no longer co-exist.
Please go your way and I will be sure to go mine but before you go, allow me to say this just one more time…
Never truly were you ever a Payne; D-Roc, one day, I hope you live up to the name.
Our accomplishments, dreams, goals; you will never destroy, and you ask why?
Thomas DeMont and DeLaune still adore me; me, myself and I…
Do you know why this monster lives inside of me?
Why the heathens and the thugs show love and confide in me?
Do you know about the demons that I have evicted from my soul?
Why my heart was frozen cold since I was 12 years old?
Do you know the lies that I faced, how my mom despised my own face,
do you think you can keep pace if my past was retraced?
Do you know why I’m shy, why I’m cool being a loner?
Why I climbed trees to find peace and became a pill-head and a stoner?
Do you see me in my entirety or only pieces of the puzzle?
Do you see why God is the fountain I continuously try to guzzle?
Do you know how I was created and why I really became a beast?
Why I screamed “Fuck the world!” and on friends and enemies I would feast?
Do you know about my struggle, what I fought to overcome?
How I stood and faced the devil and chose not to run?
Do you know the man you married, can you see my hurt and pain?
Or do you only see the sunshine and choose to ignore the rain?
Do you know about all what makes me who I am?
Do you realize the roads I traveled, learning to become a man.
Facing myself in the mirror, for once I am loving who I really am…
If I died tonight, I wonder if I will have fought hard enough
to implement the Truth; that God is part of us.
Can I truly say I gave it everything I had
and I stood on my square through the good and the bad.
If I died tonight, I wonder would you really miss me?
Walk by my wooden casket, drop a tear as you kiss me?
Did I touch your life or was I just a memory.
Spoke to you loud and clear but I wonder, are you really hearing me?
If I died tonight, would the lessons I was giving
continue on like I was still living?
Would you see the wisdom I was trying to interject?
We can change this world, through our love and intellect.
If I died tonight, would you carry on this torch
or would you leave it on the ground from the fear of being scorched?
If I left this earth, know that I tried to do my best
never had intentions of leaving this world a mess.
Just sitting here wondering if I ever will pass Gods test…
It’s never a delight.
Dressed in white, day and night.
Draining my fire, extinguishing my desire, dragging me down to expire.
In a cesspool of spite with a barrel of strife never imagined so morose a life.
My day begun before the rising of the sun, sorrowful plenty, joy…none.
How can I take so much heartache, as I sleep or lay awake.
Stalked by my death, his minions death.
Squeezing my lungs, taking my breath…
Until I hear a voice, feel a powerful source saying “stay on course”.
Know I am there, no matter what you bear.
When you think no one else does, I will always care…
When are we gonna open our eyes and realize that these mass shootings are polluting our sense of safety?
Lately it seems that Dr. Kings dream has turned into a nightmare.
Where is our love for one another? Am I not your American brother?
Same nation, different color.
And it seems that mothers now have to send their daughters to school with a rape kit, because fools are not longer seeking degrees of education.
More like degrees of molestation and manipulation.
And why do rappers and actors make more than teachers and preachers?
What you fail to invest in, you fail to manifest then.
This soil we tread on has been bled on by our ancestors and yours; so how can we abhor what seems to lie at the center of our core?
When do we finally say “no more”?
It’s time that we become blind to one another’s skin tone.
We are America, the beautiful.
Racism should have been gone.
As a free a free nation, we must do better with emancipation.
Because our segregation and subjugation is the hot topic of every conversation on every news station.
And allow me to plant another seed into your contemplation… the world is watching our lack of communication.
Know that I am not trying to start an uproar or rising. I’m sorry if you think I have an undercurrent or my tone sounds surprising. Understand, I am outspoken…didn’t mean to offend. I get upset and overwrought about things that won’t mend. Personally, it’s hard to overlook these understated oversights, while I uphold what I believe and know without being uptight. Katie, this racial thing overall is harsh. This outbreak of blacks being shot by white cops is turning equality into a farce.
I thought we were overcoming being outcast; undertaking a new beginning. Upon farther review, outcomes are still the same; even our marching and singing. So if I turn your blue skies gray, leaving an overcast on your overview. I apologize, sometimes I get overly excited but what I am saying is overdue.
Forgive me if I get outlandish, go overboard or if I seem to over reach. All I want to do is uplift, upraise and teach. The upper-class and underclass needs to know that upward mobility is a must. Once we undergo transformation, we will upend hatred and learn trust. Love each other; never underline one by their race. Letting character outweigh skin color, eyes, nose, hair or any face. I am not looking for upheaval. I’m upfront and upright; believe me, I am not an underground or undercover racist. I’m just sensitive to our plight.
An overdose of social affection would be outstanding and help the public. An upswing of understanding would stop overkill of this subject. I try to give every one a fair shake before I overreact or show outrage in my writing. I check the facts. Apparently you read my work from the outset. Being factitious or fictitious, I think, would lose your respect. Being direct got me up, over, under and out to you without being politically correct. I’m sorry, but racism is reality but it’s something I am not willing to accept.
What if you were actually born a white man?
Would you still stand there like a militant rebel?
Preaching to everyone about that blue-eyed devil.
Would you still complain about black people’s pain and suffering,
or would you go on with you life like it was nothing?
Would you still be adamant about our black President
or would your political ties lie more towards the Republican side?
Would it still have hurt your heart to see what was done to Trayvon
or would you have cared less?
Yes, that’s something to weigh on…
Right now, it’s a fact that you are pro-black
but would you still be a part of that pack if God
came and took your melanin back?
What if you were born a black man?
Would you still stand on the sidelines gazing;
while black men are experiencing police brutality,
senseless shootings and tasings?
Would you still be affected by the black man’s plight
or would you grab a megaphone and jump in to the fight?
Trying to climb out of the ghetto but never seeming to gain any traction.
Would you finally praise and appreciate the government’s affirmative action?
Would you understand the source of the black man’s anger?
Always being looked at as an animal; a permanent danger?
Everywhere you go, you draw looks of suspicion…
I bet then you would probably start paying attention…
This poem was given to me in honor of my born day by my brother and friend, Lo, who resides up under the Five. Peace and blessings be upon him. -Jah Soul
This cipher is ~
for the brotha’ who sees his self as the answer
for himself and those with the will to become
This cipher is ~
for the brotha’ who envisions a reality then
lives that which is realized
This cipher is ~
for the brotha’ who recognizes our women lost
built back up the foundation
I am a King again and you are a Queen
black or white and every shade in-between
This cipher is ~
for the brotha’ who studies his universe
that I-You-We Are One
This cipher is ~
for the brotha’ who believes in truth, justice
committed to the actions that moves a people forward
that at the end of the day, we say:
This cipher is ~
for the brotha’ who makes each day worth living
This cipher is ~
for the brotha’ who is my brother
a Righteous King….
I want to share this quote with the masses. “You have to become that which you are not before you can become that which you are”. Now at first glance, you might be thinking, “what?” so allow me to expound on it a little.
How would you know tall if there was no short? How would you know hot if there was no cold? How would you know if you were a bad or good person if you never encountered a bad person?
In my younger days, I was not the man I am now. I had a temper, was unfaithful to women and had no regard for my life. But, as I got fired from jobs because of my temper, losing and hurting good women that I dated and putting myself in situations that could’ve cost me my life, allowed me the opportunity to be the man that I am now. These past situations, along with my incarceration caused me to decide that I no longer wanted to be the man I was before. I know what’s on the other side of the fence and what comes with it. I made the choice not to experience that nonsense anymore. I now choose peace instead of chaos, love instead of hate and to seek knowledge and wisdom instead of ignorance and foolishness. I also appreciate these things more because I know and understand the pain and tribulation that comes with its counterparts.
So, do not beat yourself up when you find yourself wearing those layers of cloth that were not cut from conscious fabric. Acknowledge them, realize them and decide if they are conducive with the image of who you really want to be as a person. If it is not, change them immediately so that you may become that of which you are; Konscious…
A country boy who was raised in them city lights.
Many fights got my heart right.
And plenty nights, momma stayed up;
worried about me, prayed up.
Could’ve been laid up in them streets
Back in the day, I lost my way
I tried to creep light.
No one cared about my nightmares, couldn’t sleep tight.
I tell you man, that Boogeyman was a doozy man.
Had me drownin’ in my liquor, I was woozy man.
PCP and THC, lost in a clouded daze.
Them corners and blocks was nuthin’ but a crowded maze.
Callin’ plays from the stoop…
The hood quarterback, clique thick.
Youngin’s wanna be part of that shit.
But eventually I’d see the penitentiary.
A bunch of lonely days and lonely nights.
Pain, stress and misery; was about that life.
Now I’m sittin’ in this cell with strife.
Cuttin’ through my mortal soul, like a butcher knife.
Don’t worry though, because I promise I’ma make it up.
Fight the system until the Governor comes and breaks it up.
Change it up and be the man I was supposed to be.
Stay tuned because I promise there’s more to see…