What happens when you lock a man in a cage with rage
flowing through his blood stream?
Doves cry, but have you ever heard a thug scream?
Silohuettes of a shadowless soul.
Hearts no longer beat, they’ve become calloused and cold.
Grab a hold of some narcotics and some counterfeit love.
Them lonely nights, you don’t know what it does.
But, above all else you try lovin’ yourself.
While nobody gives a damn about you; yelling for help.
Death is no longer an illusion, the intrusion is real.
This pain will soon or later heal.
That’s a delusion you feel, you turn your spirit into steel.
While emotions deflate, God won’t let you through those gates
with all that anger and hate.
So, quickly meditate and find that balance within.
That humble pie gets mixed in with some malice and sin.
But, then again, whats the use of even fighting the abuse?
That is when your grip gets loose and you call it a truce.
Doing everything you can not to hang yourself in a noose…
I can’t bear it anymore, I can’t… all the anger; all the crying.
All the despair, the hurt, the love… it all has me feeling like I am dyin’
I will not sit here and wonder if you ever loved me.
What I do know, is what I once felt for you, it was intense and deep.
Slowly I burn with frustration and hurt. Knowing I gave it my all
and it still didn’t work…
I needed, I wanted, I prayed and I hoped.
But you took my breath and inhaled it until it made me choke.
Your betrayal laid so heavily on my heart, tore my chest muscles apart.
So overwhelmed, I wanted to die; the scope too big for my life eye.
Thought we would grow old together, but you just faded me, oh how so clever.
Did I expect too much, not noticing our bond fade away?
Or was I in denial then, as I am today?
Answer me! Your silence pains me to my soul.
You think without you, I won’t be whole.
But I will, the decision has been made. My sun will always shine but will
never move in to your shade.
Since you won’t change for the better of us, leave you now I must.
I know that grin sadly, I must with a heavy heart insist.
We must part ways, we can no longer co-exist.
Please go your way and I will be sure to go mine but before you go, allow me to say this just one more time…
Never truly were you ever a Payne; D-Roc, one day, I hope you live up to the name.
Our accomplishments, dreams, goals; you will never destroy, and you ask why?
Thomas DeMont and DeLaune still adore me; me, myself and I…
Do you know why this monster lives inside of me?
Why the heathens and the thugs show love and confide in me?
Do you know about the demons that I have evicted from my soul?
Why my heart was frozen cold since I was 12 years old?
Do you know the lies that I faced, how my mom despised my own face,
do you think you can keep pace if my past was retraced?
Do you know why I’m shy, why I’m cool being a loner?
Why I climbed trees to find peace and became a pill-head and a stoner?
Do you see me in my entirety or only pieces of the puzzle?
Do you see why God is the fountain I continuously try to guzzle?
Do you know how I was created and why I really became a beast?
Why I screamed “Fuck the world!” and on friends and enemies I would feast?
Do you know about my struggle, what I fought to overcome?
How I stood and faced the devil and chose not to run?
Do you know the man you married, can you see my hurt and pain?
Or do you only see the sunshine and choose to ignore the rain?
Do you know about all what makes me who I am?
Do you realize the roads I traveled, learning to become a man.
Facing myself in the mirror, for once I am loving who I really am…
If I died tonight, I wonder if I will have fought hard enough
to implement the Truth; that God is part of us.
Can I truly say I gave it everything I had
and I stood on my square through the good and the bad.
If I died tonight, I wonder would you really miss me?
Walk by my wooden casket, drop a tear as you kiss me?
Did I touch your life or was I just a memory.
Spoke to you loud and clear but I wonder, are you really hearing me?
If I died tonight, would the lessons I was giving
continue on like I was still living?
Would you see the wisdom I was trying to interject?
We can change this world, through our love and intellect.
If I died tonight, would you carry on this torch
or would you leave it on the ground from the fear of being scorched?
If I left this earth, know that I tried to do my best
never had intentions of leaving this world a mess.
Just sitting here wondering if I ever will pass Gods test…